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Midlife, Menopause & Sex Drive: How to Stay Connected to Your Desire

As we journey through midlife, our bodies go through significant transformations, with perimenopause and then menopause marking pivotal chapters. Amidst these changes, many women find themselves grappling with shifts in their sexual desire, leading to questions, concerns, and a yearning to reconnect with themselves and their partners. We believe that this phase, while challenging, can also be an opportunity to rediscover and embrace your sexuality with renewed curiosity and a deeper connection with ourselves.

Understanding the Impact of Peri and Menopause on Libido

Perimenopause can often start to show symptoms and changes with cycles, hormones and our bodies from our mid to late 30’s. Menopause signifies the end of menstrual cycles, typically occurring in women between their late 40s and early 50s. This transition brings about hormonal fluctuations that can profoundly influence sexual desire. There are a number of years that this can see changes and fluctuations so it is important to know, understand and connect with yourself to help navigate and support your body and mind. Plus there is also a beautiful opportunity to celebrate yourself more in this phase. 

Hormonal Changes

• Estrogen Decline: A decrease in oestrogen levels can lead to vaginal dryness and thinning of vaginal tissues, resulting in discomfort during intercourse. It isn’t just because you have ‘lost your spark’ or desire. There are physical effects on the body with estrogen declining so supporting this is important when it comes to intimacy and pleasure. 

• Testosterone Reduction: Often associated with male sexuality, testosterone also plays a crucial role in female libido. Diminished levels can contribute to a decrease in sexual desire and arousal. Throughout your monthly cycle when you coming into and when you are ovulating you will have a peak in testosterone which can increase your desire and arousal. This can effect your libido so with cycles and hormones changing it makes complete sense that this will also effect your body.
  
  

Emotional and Psychological Factors

• Stress and Anxiety: Midlife often brings added responsibilities, from career pressures to caregiving roles, which can elevate stress levels and impact libido. There is a lot of conversation about the mental load women hold and this chapter of our life and again, it is important to give yourself a break. You are busy! 

• Body Image: Physical changes during pregnancy, post pregnancy and throughout peri and menopause can affect self esteem, influencing one's comfort and confidence in intimate settings. If you are feeling disconnected from your body and not comfortable and confident, you might have an opportunity to start there. Connect with yourself, nourish yourself and honour yourself on where you are and what your body has done to get you into midlife. 

• Mood Fluctuations: Hormonal shifts can lead to mood swings, depression, or irritability, all of which can dampen sexual desire. The mum rage is real, the burn out is real. The hormonal rollercoaster is also real. Seeking support from health care professionals with hormones can be beneficial along with reducing alcohol, eating a well balanced diet and exercising to support your hormonal health. Don’t think skinny or doing more - think strong! 

Expert Insights: Dr. Karen Gurney's Perspective

Dr. Karen Gurney, a renowned clinical psychologist and author of "Mind The Gap: The Truth About Desire and How to Futureproof Your Sex Life," offers valuable insights into maintaining a fulfilling sexual connection during menopause. She emphasises that understanding the factors influencing desire is pivotal in navigating this phase. This book is a must read for anyone wanting to understand and nurture themselves and their sex life. There is so much more to it than just the act and understanding and learning to build your tool kit is a great way to move through this chapter connected and with confidence. 

Strategies to Reignite Your Desire

While menopause introduces changes, it doesn't signify the end of a vibrant sex life. Here are actionable steps to reconnect with your desire:

1. Prioritise Open Communication

Engage in candid conversations with your partner about your feelings, needs, and concerns. This openness fosters intimacy and ensures both partners are aligned in navigating these changes together.

2. Explore Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)

Consult with a healthcare professional about HRT options. For some women, HRT can alleviate menopausal symptoms and enhance libido. Notably, testosterone therapy has shown benefits in improving arousal, sexual pleasure, and overall sexual self image. The conversation, industry and availability of resources and support is getting better each day. If you feel disregarded or dismissed - don’t give up! Find another Dr and start seeking out people that specialise in women's health! 

3. Invest in Vaginal Health

Utilise vaginal moisturisers and lubricants to combat dryness and enhance comfort during intercourse. Regular pelvic floor exercises, such as Kegels, can also improve muscle tone, leading to heightened sexual satisfaction. It isn’t something we used to think about when it comes to our standard ‘beauty routine’ but in reality, the care and nurture you give yourself in this intimate phase, will give you so much more comfort and connection to your own body. 

4. Cultivate Emotional Intimacy

Engage in activities that strengthen your emotional bond, such as shared hobbies or date nights. Emotional closeness can significantly enhance physical intimacy. It can be hard to find the time and sex might be the last thing on your mind but if you don’t schedule time in to be intimate and connect, it can easily become lost in the noise and busyness of life. Make the time to connect and build that connection for yourself, your relationships and your pleasure. 

5. Seek Professional Support

If challenges persist, consider consulting a sex therapist or counsellor. Professionals can provide tailored strategies to address specific concerns and help rekindle desire in the relationships and for yourself. The amount of growth that comes from having support to help build communication and connection is always going to be a wonderful thing. 

Embracing a New Chapter of Sexuality

Peri and Menopause is not an end but a transition into a new phase of life. By understanding the changes and proactively addressing them, you can continue to enjoy a fulfilling and passionate sex life. Embrace this journey with curiosity, compassion, and a willingness to explore new dimensions of your sexuality. Midlife is a liberated time and we get to choose how we tackle it. Open up and expand with the conversation and put your pleasure up there on your priorities list. You are worth it.