In today's world, conversations about sex are more open and widespread than ever before. While this is a positive development in many ways, it can sometimes create pressure to conform to certain expectations about how often we should be having sex. The reality is that there is no "normal" when it comes to sexual frequency, and it’s important to recognise that everyone’s needs and desires are different.
Social media, the romantic comedies we watch through to societal expectations and even well-meaning friends often paint a picture of an ideal sexual life that involves frequent, passionate and steamy encounters. While this can be true for some, it's so important to understand that this portrayal does not represent everyone's reality and nor is it a reflection of a healthy and happy relationship.
The pressure to have a lot of sex can lead to unnecessary stress and feelings of inadequacy, especially for women who might already be juggling motherhood, careers and everything else life throws our way. Whether it is due to a busy lifestyle, personal preference, or physical and emotional health, hormonal changes or simply do not prioritise or desire frequent sexual activity. Whatever the reason is, it is really important to show yourself kindness, compassion and understanding. Comparison is the thief of joy and although sex can be a wonderful, intimate part of your relationship, it is different for every relationship.
When it comes to sex, quality always trumps quantity. Sexual wellbeing is not measured by how often you have sex, but by the satisfaction and connection you experience when you do. A fulfilling sex life can mean different things to different people. For some, it might be about physical pleasure, while for others, it could be about emotional intimacy or even spiritual connection. There are so many things that can be intimate and pleasurable without having sex.
Being in tune with your own needs and desires—and those of your partner—is far more important than meeting any perceived societal standard. Open and honest communication with your partner about your sexual expectations and needs can enhance the quality of your intimate moments, regardless of their frequency. Talk about it regularly and get it out into the open.
Modern life is often fast-paced and demanding, leaving little time for rest, let alone regular sexual activity. Women, in particular, may find themselves balancing work, family, and personal responsibilities, which can significantly impact their desire and energy for sex.
It's essential to give yourself permission to prioritise self-care and recognise that sexual activity is just one aspect of a healthy, balanced life. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or exhausted, it’s okay to focus on rest and relaxation instead of pushing yourself to meet an arbitrary standard of sexual frequency.
Every woman's body is unique, and so are her sexual needs. Hormonal changes, mental health, physical health, and personal circumstances all play a role in sexual desire and frequency. Listening to your body and respecting its signals is key to maintaining your overall wellbeing.
If you're experiencing a lower sex drive, it might be worth exploring potential underlying causes, such as hormonal imbalances, stress, or medication side effects. Consulting with a healthcare professional can provide insight and guidance tailored to your specific situation.
Your sexual wellbeing is a personal journey, and it's essential to celebrate it in whatever form it takes. Whether you’re enjoying frequent sex or find fulfillment in less frequent encounters, what matters most is that you feel comfortable and satisfied with your sexual life.
Normalising a lower frequency of sex begins with shifting the conversation away from comparison and judgment towards acceptance and understanding. By embracing your unique sexual rhythm, you contribute to a more inclusive and supportive dialogue about women's sexual health.
It's time to redefine what a healthy sex life looks like by acknowledging that it varies widely from person to person. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to sexual wellbeing, and the most important thing is that you feel happy and fulfilled.
Remember, it's perfectly normal not to have sex all the time. By focusing on quality, listening to your body, and prioritising your overall wellness, you can cultivate a satisfying and healthy sexual life that’s right for you.
Let’s celebrate the diversity of our sexual experiences and continue to support each other in our journeys towards holistic wellbeing. Let's talk about it, be real about it and take the pressure off ourselves.
Life is busy and intimate moments of pleasure can look many different ways. Whatever way you choose to take your pleasure, know it is yours. Always.